TGIF

I am so relieved it is Friday!

This week has been pretty up and down. Monday I had a great day. Was in a great mood and had tons of energy. I got the house clean and a bunch of work done at work. I don't know if it was a manic episode or if it was just what "normal" could feel like.

After Monday things went down hill quick. I got a kidney infection and spent my Tuesday morning in the ER. Obviously this didn't help me mentally either. I felt like crap and was in bed all day. I did go to work on Wednesday but just couldn't handle it and went home early. Yesterday I stayed in bed until about 1:00 and finally called my boss and told him I was coming. If B hadn't called me and tried to get me to at least get outside for a minute to see if that would help, I would probably still be in bed.

I am at work today and have gotten quite a bit accomplished so far. There is still that underlying feeling of just wanting to crawl under the covers though. I am so exhausted by everything.

I am trying so hard to hold things together at home and work and I am failing. I feel like I can't do anything right. Then I start wondering, what if I really am not bipolar and am just a horrible human being that can't accomplish anything. Part of me knows that is irrational but my brain still thinks like that.

Anyway, I am going to do everything I can to stay positive this weekend. My Godmother is in town and I haven't seen her since my wedding 8 years ago so I told my dad to plan for me to meet them somewhere early on Saturday morning so I HAVE to get out of bed. Then as long as the weather cooperates B and I are going to plant some flowers. If I can just stay out of bed and in the sunshine I think that will help.